2008. Completed my first year at CNET UK, moved from Forest Hill to Clapham Common, did more travelling than in my entire life before, broke up with my girlfriend, and said things like this…
CES Las Vegas
Facebook says Rich has just been choppered out to the Grand Canyon.10:16 PM Jan 6th, 2008
Rich had breakfast at Denny’s, Las Vegas Boulevard, and dinner at the chippie on Devonshire Road.
ATP! After a bloody tortuous journey, I’m in Butlins, I’ve got a beer in my hand, couldn’t be happier
They let us in&out with glasses, & our chalet is twenty yards away-are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Facebook says Rich is having an absolute fucking blast at ATfuckingP.
Saul Williams is a BizarroWorld Bowie, a glam-hop fly dog backed by psychotronic ‘frobots
it’s 50/50 between having a great day and just curling up into a ball and whimpering somewhere
Battles are kind of like Adam Ant being raped by Marilyn Manson – only 15x more fun
Southland Tales is Terry Gilliam and Warren Ellis’ Marx Bros porno in the City of Lost Children May be a jodorowskyesque gothoperapocalypse, but it does have a certain demented symmetry
Facebook says Rich has just got two free Crunchies from the vending machine for the price of one! Jackanackanory!
Rich salutes the Feast, king of choc-ices.
Facebook says Rich has run out of things to do on his day off. Another wank?
Rich is just nipping out to China. Back later.
Rich is towering 42 stories over Tokyo. Like Godzilla in brothel creepers.
There are upsides to being ill: any day without trousers can’t be all bad
Force Quit means Force Quit, like right now. Why does End Task mean keep acting the twat for another ten minutes?
Apparently, being Icelandic in May was pretty brilliant: http://bit.ly/1j0vae
Well I never: The Japanese invaded Alaska in 1942: http://bit.ly/I07cR
Wolverine healing factor? Mario mushrooms? Bollocks. Nothing beats the healing power of a Frank’s lasagna and chips carbopocalypse You know you’re reaching a certain age when the conversation can segue entirely seamlessly from hard drugs to soft furnishings
Apparently in the US they say “Liquor and beer/have no fear”. I’m getting this tattooed on my nutsack
Today I have used the phrases “sex-grenade” and “stabbing himself with his own todger” on the site. Truly, I am a serious writer Twitter does not have to be reciprocal. You do not have to follow me if you think I am a tedious arse – and vice versa. That is all.
Story idea: WAX is a washed-up cop- WAYNE is a going-nowhere stoner. Apart, they’re trouble. Together, they are: WAX & WAYNE! Da-der-derr!! If it gets any colder in the office, we’ll have to eat the huskies.
“Granddad, what were you doing when Obama was elected?” “Yeaaahhh… I was watching Crank”
defenestration (dē-ˌfe-nə-ˈstrā-shən) n. throwing of a person or thing out of a window defrienestration (dē-ˌfre-nə-ˈstrā-shən) n. removing a friend from your profile on a social network
@CupCate S’OK, I’ll slip you the answers: 1.Cricket 2.Bangers’n'mash 3.Jeremy Kyle 4.Old Compton St 5.Paying over the odds for everything
Carter USM: hooks to take your eye out. Housebricks in the pick’n'nix
Next LifeOnMars spin-off: some cunt off Hollyoaks goes to 1992. EMF beat him to death with a cricket bat and a 303. SOLD
And yes, I appreciate the irony of Twitter scraping my blog slating @ replies while in the middle of an @ conversation
Have decided I want a tattoo of the swearing from Asterix: skull and crossbones+dagger+lightning bolt
Last night: bounce-punk of A, pedal-to-the-floor gonzo-rock of the Wildhearts. Tonight: Jarvis Cocker & Mary Margaret O’Hara… carolling?
Notice secret service didn’t break speed records leaping in front of Bush. Honestly, who throws a shoe?
Love stickers in gym: “Limited to 20 mins @ peak times”. If I’m on an exercise machine longer than 20 minutes it’s because I’ve died on it
Tempted to spend 3 days living off champagne & sleeping on escalators in Westfield neonoptican as practise for CES
Nailed by Internet commenter: I am not only a “sanctimonious nutter”, but also a “deranged far-left lunatic”. Hurray! http://bit.ly/jDu3
Christmas: potatoes turkey chocolate DoctorWho pintsintheBassett naps nephew&CallofDuty Travelodge niece&sparklypresents potatoes Porridge
Rich is giving up drinking for 1 year after CES. For reals this time.