fire and forget

Is there a name for that game with the marbles where you build a massive tower and stick a marble in and it’s different every time? Is that even a game or am I reaching for a metaphor? Anyway, I’m writing this to explain how I find people on Twitter, and to point you at this post for future reference if I have followed you.

Number 1 criteria for me following you:

YOU RULE.

Hellz yeah you do. I don’t believe in reciprocal following, so if you follow me and I don’t follow you back, it’s because I’m not that keen on all your @replies or all your links or your being dull. Sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.

But if I’m following you and you don’t know where I came from, it’s because of the marbles thing. I sometimes pick someone I think is cool/witty/hella smart and look at their followers — because if this person is cool/witty/hella smart then the people they follow must be fucking cool/extra witty/hella fricking smart, right? I then hit follow A LOT and then look at their followers and just follow the marbles wherever they cascade because I’d rather be a part of your stream of consciousness for a bit than never know you at all.

So if I stumble into your circle of friends without knocking, no offence. It’s only ’cause you look like the cool kids and I’m bored of hovering in the kitchen. This is me saying Hi. HI. Who’s for Jäger shots?

2008. Completed my first year at CNET UK, moved from Forest Hill to Clapham Common, did more travelling than in my entire life before, broke up with my girlfriend, and said things like this…

CES Las Vegas

Facebook says Rich has just been choppered out to the Grand Canyon.10:16 PM Jan 6th, 2008

Rich had breakfast at Denny’s, Las Vegas Boulevard, and dinner at the chippie on Devonshire Road. 7:17 PM Jan 9th, 2008

All Tomorrow’s Parties

ATP! After a bloody tortuous journey, I’m in Butlins, I’ve got a beer in my hand, couldn’t be happier 6:29 PM May 16th, 2008

They let us in&out with glasses, & our chalet is twenty yards away-are you thinking what I’m thinking?7:56 PM May 16th, 2008

Facebook says Rich is having an absolute fucking blast at ATfuckingP. 5:49 PM May 17th, 2008

Saul Williams is a BizarroWorld Bowie, a glam-hop fly dog backed by psychotronic ‘frobots 4:31 PM May 17th, 2008

it’s 50/50 between having a great day and just curling up into a ball and whimpering somewhere 2:44 PM May 18th, 2008

Battles are kind of like Adam Ant being raped by Marilyn Manson - only 15x more fun 2:21 AM May 18th, 2008

Southland Tales is Terry Gilliam and Warren Ellis’ Marx Bros porno in the City of Lost Children 10:11 PM May 21st, 2008… May be a jodorowskyesque gothoperapocalypse, but it does have a certain demented symmetry 11:13 PM May 21st, 2008

Facebook says Rich has just got two free Crunchies from the vending machine for the price of one! Jackanackanory! 5:25 PM May 23rd, 2008 from twitterfeed

Rich salutes the Feast, king of choc-ices. 9:42 PM Jun 21st, 2008

Facebook says Rich has run out of things to do on his day off. Another wank? 5:19 PM Jul 24th, 2008

Epson trip to Hong Kong, China and Japan

Rich is just nipping out to China. Back later. 12:44 AM Aug 20th, 2008

Rich is towering 42 stories over Tokyo. Like Godzilla in brothel creepers. 11:45 AM Aug 22nd, 2008

There are upsides to being ill: any day without trousers can’t be all bad 5:27 PM Oct 9th, 2008

Force Quit means Force Quit, like right now. Why does End Task mean keep acting the twat for another ten minutes? 3:56 PM Oct 14th, 2008

Apparently, being Icelandic in May was pretty brilliant: http://bit.ly/1j0vae 1:08 PM Oct 15th, 2008

Well I never: The Japanese invaded Alaska in 1942: http://bit.ly/I07cR 1:31 PM Oct 17th, 2008

Wolverine healing factor? Mario mushrooms? Bollocks. Nothing beats the healing power of a Frank’s lasagna and chips carbopocalypse 5:45 PM Oct 17th, 2008

You know you’re reaching a certain age when the conversation can segue entirely seamlessly from hard drugs to soft furnishings 6:40 PM Oct 20th, 2008

Apparently in the US they say “Liquor and beer/have no fear”. I’m getting this tattooed on my nutsack 1:12 PM Oct 23rd, 2008

Today I have used the phrases “sex-grenade” and “stabbing himself with his own todger” on the site. Truly, I am a serious writer 5:16 PM Oct 23rd, 2008

Twitter does not have to be reciprocal. You do not have to follow me if you think I am a tedious arse - and vice versa. That is all. 6:25 PM Oct 24th, 2008

Story idea: WAX is a washed-up cop- WAYNE is a going-nowhere stoner. Apart, they’re trouble. Together, they are: WAX & WAYNE! Da-der-derr!! 11:25 PM Oct 26th, 2008

If it gets any colder in the office, we’ll have to eat the huskies. 2:25 PM Nov 3rd, 2008

“Granddad, what were you doing when Obama was elected?” “Yeaaahhh… I was watching Crank” 10:26 AM Nov 5th, 2008

defenestration (dē-ˌfe-nə-ˈstrā-shən) n. throwing of a person or thing out of a window 3:39 PM Nov 7th, 2008

defrienestration (dē-ˌfre-nə-ˈstrā-shən) n. removing a friend from your profile on a social network3:41 PM Nov 7th, 2008

@CupCate S’OK, I’ll slip you the answers: 1.Cricket 2.Bangers’n'mash 3.Jeremy Kyle 4.Old Compton St 5.Paying over the odds for everything 11:17 AM Nov 19th, 2008 from web in reply to CupCate: Have just found out I have to pay £700 to extend my Visa, as well as taking a test on life in the UK. Thanks Home Office!!!!!!

Carter USM

Carter USM: hooks to take your eye out. Housebricks in the pick’n'nix 9:48 PM Nov 22nd, 2008

Next LifeOnMars spin-off: some cunt off Hollyoaks goes to 1992. EMF beat him to death with a cricket bat and a 303. SOLD 8:31 PM Nov 22nd, 2008

And yes, I appreciate the irony of Twitter scraping my blog slating @ replies while in the middle of an @ conversation 12:00 PM Nov 26th, 2008

Have decided I want a tattoo of the swearing from Asterix: skull and crossbones+dagger+lightning bolt9:04 PM Nov 28th, 2008

Last night: bounce-punk of A, pedal-to-the-floor gonzo-rock of the Wildhearts. Tonight: Jarvis Cocker & Mary Margaret O’Hara… carolling? 6:02 PM Dec 11th, 2008

Notice secret service didn’t break speed records leaping in front of Bush. Honestly, who throws a shoe? 10:44 PM Dec 14th, 2008

Love stickers in gym: “Limited to 20 mins @ peak times”. If I’m on an exercise machine longer than 20 minutes it’s because I’ve died on it 1:13 PM Dec 17th, 2008

Tempted to spend 3 days living off champagne & sleeping on escalators in Westfield neonoptican as practise for CES 6:22 PM Dec 17th, 2008

Nailed by Internet commenter: I am not only a “sanctimonious nutter”, but also a “deranged far-left lunatic”. Hurray! http://bit.ly/jDu3 3:05 PM Dec 18th, 2008

Rich is giving up drinking for 1 year after CES. For reals this time. 3:57 PM Dec 30th, 2008

http://twitter.com/rich_trenholm

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. In which case I guess I should be extremely flattered by TechRadar’s 7 ways to make your PC look like a Mac article, posted yesterday by Adam Oxford. The suggestions:

1. Move your taskbar to the top of your screen
2. Install a dock like ObjectDock
3. Get Expose with Switcher 2.0.0
4. Throw in Widgets such as Yahoo! Widgets
5. Completely reskin Windows using StarDock’s WindowBlinds or OSX clone FlyAKite
6. Get some Spaces with DeskSpace
7. That’s the look - add themes

1 and seven are new to me, I must give them a try. Thanks, TechRadar! But hmm, something about the rest seems familiar… can’t put my finger on it… Oh yeah, I remember: this time last year I wrote an article for CNET UK called Mock OS X: Five ways to make your PC more like a Mac. My suggestions:

1. Install a dock like ObjectDock
2. Get Exposé with MyExposé
3. Throw in Widgets such as Yahoo! Widgets (then called Konfabulator)
4. Get some Spaces with DeskSpace
5. Completely reskin Windows using StarDock’s WindowBlinds or OSX clone FlyAKite

My article had a better title, spelt Exposé right and drew a metaphor with the oyster scene from Spartacus. See? Completely different.

In which I give the world a new word: 2.0mance.

Love in 140 characters: It’s 2.0mance

My 2.0mance is going pretty well. A lazy Sunday afternoon conversation about bands with terrible names prompted a blog post from her. When she mentioned the use of song lyrics in an article on Facebook status no-nos, what else could I do but quote the Smiths on my profile? I said “Fail” out loud once too often and next thing she’s written up the memes the Web should grow out of.

I’m still figuring out where the line is, though.